I have still not recovered from RSI, I get numerous flare-ups at completely random intervals. I sometimes think what else have I got to do. I steadily modify my own treatments, increasing and decreasing supplements, exercises of differing types and sleep patterns. Still, when it comes down to it I can’t say that I am cured, that I am like a person without repetitive strain.
I work hard with dumb bells and am lifting 10kg with extreme difficulty but I am doing it. Its painful, I feel weak and its something I have to force myself to do. I often feel like a person with zero energy and little motivation. That’s not because I am depressed, its a sort of lethargy and the feeling of just being permanently tired.
Sometimes I stand up to type because sitting down and standing back up again is just not worth the pain. Still, despite the flair ups, the constant pain, lack of quality sleep, numbness and other various symptoms, there’s no help from my doctor or the NHS as a whole. Instead, the nation suffers because of their incompetence and employers total disregard for the welfare of their staff.
Instead I struggle every day and fight to just have a clear enough mind to think straight. My memory is still absolutely appalling and despite checking things numerous times, I make the odd small error. When strangers pick up on it, I find it embarrassing and really confusing that despite all my checks I still managed to do it wrong.
In a way I feel like I’m twice the age I am. My body could be that of a 70 year old and my fuzziness and days of cloudy thinking could be easily confused as something that is suffering from early stages of dementia. Still, the GP and NHS can offer nothing for treatment or diagnostic assistance. I am left to do it myself, to try things and be a guinea pig. I’m left without any help what so ever and if I wasn’t for those that I live with, I would be totally screwed on those days I can’t even pick up a kettle on water.
I struggle with what I do sometimes, being self employed and writing for a living is really difficult in this recession. I am an affiliate marketer, but this involves so much typing and restricting it to 30 hours a week means I make a poultry income. Its really difficult to keeping my writing time to 30 hours, as historically speaking I would do double that just to make a below average wage.
At the moment I am going through a period of discomfort and my head is all over the place. What do I try next, what is left? I don’t know any more.