Posts Tagged ‘Mind Fog’

Dodgy Brain

This week I’ve been in a little better head space, up until about Friday when I started to have significant problems with my short term memory again. This is probably fatigue again. Its the end of the week and I am always a zombie. As I previously mentioned I do find it difficult to concentrate and it like the mind is in a haze.

I do have to force myself to do things, but I do exercise regularly even though it is incredibly hard and sometimes painful to do. I use dumb bell 3 or 4 times a week, I walk allot (see walking pictures) and I do more around the home too. Having a permanent state of exhaustion does mean I make a lot of mistakes, despite triple checking everything. Then when I’m sure I did something right, I doubt myself because I cant remember exactly what I did a mere 30 minutes ago.

When I’m out walking I don’t go alone, but with another family member who really gotten me into it in the first place. Because of my short term memory issues If I went on my own, I’ll “forget” where I am in relation to where I parked the car. I’m not joking.. And then I have a brain freeze moment.

Other things I have noticed when I do get lost in the car and ask for directions I can only often only remember 2 items the person said. Anything beyond that, I have to ask another person closer the destination. I am only in my mid 30’s, not in my 80s and I know this should not be happening.

All of this is probably long term fatigue (most likely) or it could be something more serious that my GP is too lazy and up himself to diagnose. I do have a very low opinion of the NHS in this country. They waste money on mid-management, ever changing computer systems and administration which does nothing for the patient. In fact all it does is divert resources away from front line services, into the pockets of contractors.

I do eat fairly well, all healthy food and some treats too. I have also noticed increased problems with my eye sight, but only a very slight decrease in clarity where I have to wear my glasses more inside rather than just when I’m outside doing things. Other than that, I’m fairly healthy! lol


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Mind Fog

Sometimes its so hard to explain to anyone, even my own family that sometimes I have this mind fog still where I slip into a state where I can barely think straight or string a sentence together without saying erm i few hundred times. It can happen during fairly lucid days. In the morning I could be having a discussion about ‘John E Sarno’ (whose book I am currently reading) and in the afternoon I can slip into a state of high anxiety where I seem to lose all my intellect and cognitive ability. Its not just that my thoughts slow down but my dexterity and co-ordination too.

I thought I was starting to win the war is fending out this bone headedness but apparently its not. Its pretty bad. I used to like going out walking on my own to places I don’t know, but now I can’t go on my own because I literally forget where I put the car and how to get back. I got really fed up with trying to explain this to my GP and to this day I’m sure he thinks he helped. After the third time of trying to explain it to them, I just sighed and gave up. I actually got quite angry with him as he kept offering me a sick note. For the love of god man, keep your sick notes. I want you to do something vaguely useful I was screaming inside. This is the sort of typical NHS GP we seem to get nowadays.

Anyway, the mind fog I get scares me as it almost makes me a different person. Could it be that I am slowly going crazy or could it be that the pain I get every single day is wearing me down. To be honest, I have forgotten what its like not to have pain. About the only rest byte I get from it is when I have a few drinks which of course damages other organs. I think if I carry on, on this road I could quite easily become an alcoholic in 5 years time. But what I am suppose to do when my GP is useless and therefore I can’t even get to try any alternative services the NHS has to offer?

I feel like my memory is shutting down some how. Pretty much all everything between 10-16 has gone. You know like you are suppose to remember your teachers names and your friends names. I don’t remember them or even what they looked like. I remember slightly more up to around 25 but after that until a couple of years ago its like there’s a black hole that is growing. Things are being erased. I remember once I even forgot my own age and I had to work it out! It just feel like I am regressing intellectually speaking on the whole and slipping into stupidity.

One of the main reason I write here is because it helps me to remember and if I lose all my abilities then I least its written down somewhere. At least its documented. Apart of me is fearful that it might be something else, but I dare not think about that. I am not always the most stable or together person. Sometimes the persistent, relentlessness of the never ending spine tingling pain is just too much for me and it leaves me so wary of life… so wary of just tomorrow.

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