Posts Tagged ‘Sleep’

Dodgy Brain

This week I’ve been in a little better head space, up until about Friday when I started to have significant problems with my short term memory again. This is probably fatigue again. Its the end of the week and I am always a zombie. As I previously mentioned I do find it difficult to concentrate and it like the mind is in a haze.

I do have to force myself to do things, but I do exercise regularly even though it is incredibly hard and sometimes painful to do. I use dumb bell 3 or 4 times a week, I walk allot (see walking pictures) and I do more around the home too. Having a permanent state of exhaustion does mean I make a lot of mistakes, despite triple checking everything. Then when I’m sure I did something right, I doubt myself because I cant remember exactly what I did a mere 30 minutes ago.

When I’m out walking I don’t go alone, but with another family member who really gotten me into it in the first place. Because of my short term memory issues If I went on my own, I’ll “forget” where I am in relation to where I parked the car. I’m not joking.. And then I have a brain freeze moment.

Other things I have noticed when I do get lost in the car and ask for directions I can only often only remember 2 items the person said. Anything beyond that, I have to ask another person closer the destination. I am only in my mid 30’s, not in my 80s and I know this should not be happening.

All of this is probably long term fatigue (most likely) or it could be something more serious that my GP is too lazy and up himself to diagnose. I do have a very low opinion of the NHS in this country. They waste money on mid-management, ever changing computer systems and administration which does nothing for the patient. In fact all it does is divert resources away from front line services, into the pockets of contractors.

I do eat fairly well, all healthy food and some treats too. I have also noticed increased problems with my eye sight, but only a very slight decrease in clarity where I have to wear my glasses more inside rather than just when I’m outside doing things. Other than that, I’m fairly healthy! lol


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Up to recent years no one that knew me would ever say I had trouble with sleep, in fact its been my worst enemy in some respects as I’ve never been able to get enough of it. Many teenage sleeping patterns went into my 20’s and I would often go into work tired despite having a good nights sleep.

In the present day now I find sleep very difficult indeed. Its not just getting to sleep, its the quality of it and then if I am woken up once then I am unable to get to sleep once again. The world is a little dumb to me if that makes any sense. I believe that’s a result of long term sleep deprivation. Of course I know what is causing it, chronic pain.

I have some incredibly disturbing dreams too with a constant feeling in my dream of pressure on my neck pushing me down and then the blackness folding around to almost suffocate me. I wonder if its the lack of sleep causing this or is it that my brain is still reacting to my discomfort. Its obvious that I am going into REM (rapid eye movement – dream state) but not quite ever reaching deep sleep.

If I can’t sleep I will tend to listen to an podcast or a meditation track a friend of mine bought me. I don’t know how to meditate, but listening to the sound of a rain storm does appear to relax me, though I don’t always get to sleep. I often get up and use the toilet instead!

I need some deep sleep…

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